i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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