just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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