she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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