im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
