Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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