Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
