Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
