y did u give ur computer a hand job?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
