Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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