You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
