My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think I sprained my soul last night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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