I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
