Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
