I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
