My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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