She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
