Swine flu. Run for my life!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
