Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
