He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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