Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
