so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
