There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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