I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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