Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
