oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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