Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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