I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
