Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
