Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
