she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
