i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
