I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
