i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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