Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
