i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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