He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
