I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
