He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
