look no pants
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
