hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
