if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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