You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
