I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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