If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
