Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
