Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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