Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
