if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
