2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
