reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
