I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
