Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
