Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
